Falling off the cliff…

St Margaret’s Bay

The best analogy I’ve heard about cancer treatment has to be likening diagnosis to falling off a cliff. Little did in know at the beginning how true it was…

Often (but not always) when someone is given cancer diagnosis they are actually not feeling ill at all, especially with advances on scanning and medical investigations. Although I had found a lump I felt fine – in fact I had never felt better. My life was good and I felt contented. To me it did feel like walking along a cliff on a sunny day, carefree and enjoying life, something that I had done many times with the kids and our dog when I lived in Kent.

Treatment #1 Chemotherapy, suddenly I was pushed off the cliff and land on a ledge. That ledge was chemotherapy, the best course of treatment for my cancer. But there are so many people around me, I felt safe….until as soon as this finished within a week I was pushed off the ledge…

To have Treatment #2 Mastectomy with or without reconstruction surgery. Again there was now different people around me, get well messages and lots of flowers and cards. I looked very ill, but I felt secure and the cancer has been removed…until as soon as this finished within a month I was pushed off again…

To finally have Treatment #3 Radiotherapy. Everyone was telling me this was the final hurdle, then it would all be over. Then I got to ring the bell…

And that’s it…

Everyone was so happy, so why wasn’t I?

I felt that I should be getting back to normal…

But what was normal?

I felt at rock bottom, how could I climb back up that cliff?

Suddenly I had lost all sense of identity…there were so many people who loved me, waiting for me at the top of that cliff. Waiting for me to walk along with them again, carefree like before.

I felt so alone.

Author: nikkijsmith

Wife, mum, daughter,sister, auntie...living through Breast Cancer Treatment. This is me trying to make sense of this mad world of cancer whilst making the most of every day....I hope it helps 😊

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