Just a thought…

Last year I was obsessed with the idea of my own funeral. Not in a morbid way, just what would it be like? Who would be there? I had moved far away from my family so everyone would have to travel…I felt bad about that. Would the day be sunny or rainy? Cancer plays games like that with your mind. “Don’t spend much money on it” I said to Mark. Please use an eco-friendly coffin and only get flowers that people can then take home and enjoy. He didn’t like me talking about it, which I understand…but for me – ‘the control freak’ this was the one last thing that I could control.

I had lists of songs and why they were special, poems and messages for my family. I’m not quite sure how this would have all fitted into 20 mins but I would leave that to them. Fast forward 12 months and there are an unprecedented number of people dying of coronavirus across the world. For them there is no choice, quick simple funerals. No chance for families to say that final goodbye. No warning over who it will take next.

I always thought I didn’t want a fuss, no big funeral but today my heart goes out to everyone who at this time cannot say a proper farewell to their loved ones.

We live in a world where we assume to make a party out of every occasion. We don’t just get married, it involves months of planning, stag/hen holidays instead of sharing an evening drinking with friends. There are lists, planners and that’s before the honeymoon which is often delayed so that more money can be spent. Then baby arrives and there are baby showers, naming parties and so the list goes on. Children ‘graduate’ from nursery school, and for teenagers there are proms…limos, buses, the bigger the better.

So maybe just maybe this is a wake up call our society needs? This isn’t about religion, or race. Its affected us all. Weddings are cancelled, schools shut, even non-essential work has stopped. For everyone we need to learn again how to enjoy life, keep it real because you really do not know what tomorrow will bring.

As I say, its just a thought…

Love Nikki xx

Tranquil Middleton-in-Teesdale

Author: nikkijsmith

Wife, mum, daughter,sister, auntie...living through Breast Cancer Treatment. This is me trying to make sense of this mad world of cancer whilst making the most of every day....I hope it helps 😊

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