Thank-you Cancer…

Mid-Life Cancer Crisis is my blog about my life after Breast Cancer diagnosis in October 2018. What I learnt very quickly is that everyone’s experience of this horrible disease is completely different, so this is just my way of trying to make some sense of everything that has happened.

So before I go back to the beginning I want to start by saying Thank-you to Cancer….

Thank-you for making me stop this mad life I was living and learn to appreciate to take one day at a time. After 45 years of living in Kent close to my family I had got divorced and moved to Yorkshire and my life had become taken over with long commutes and working and then suddenly I was at home with time to reflect on what is important to me.

Thank-you for making me really appreciate my children Olly and Millie and their lives that they are now living. Thank-you for the ability to look back at the memories of their childhood and how much I love being a mum. I was only 22 when I had Olly and at times life was hard, but we did the best we could and I’m proud of the adults they have become.

I am so grateful to my mum and dad and sisters for everything they have done for me over the years. The hardest part of this was seeing the pain in their eyes when we had to tell them about the diagnosis, and I felt so far away from them, but thanks to Facetime we were able to laugh and cry through this together.

Thank-you for making me stop and appreciate how lucky I am to have a 2nd chance at love in my life with Mark. 30 years after we first met, we now share a home, our lives and our dog Jessie. He is an amazing step-dad to Olly and Millie and have shown them what a loving family can be like. We had got caught up in a life of technology and you have shown me the importance of talking and just enjoying each others company. I do hope the next generation are better at balancing their lives and drawing a line under the 24hr intrusion technology can create in our lives.

Thank-you for giving me the time to spend with Jessie (see pic :)) while she was a puppy, and to share all the joy she has brought to my life. Whatever you have thrown at me I have had her there to make me get up and go for a walk, however slowly…I still did it!

Thank-you for making me appreciate each day, the sun on my back or the rain on my face…the magnificent views across the hills from our home, the sun rising on the horizon. Moving to Yorkshire really was the best decision that I ever made.

You made me appreciate simple things like doing the housework, and the home that we have. I don’t want a mansion and I’m really not fussed about material things, but when I had both my children together for Christmas I felt like I had won the lottery.

Thankyou for making me value the friendships that I have made during my life. I do feel so blessed to have a friend Katie that I have known since I was 2, and how can it be 40 years since I first met Mel, who has been a constant support during the last 18 months.

You will not win cancer, and this isn’t a battle. It looks like you will be a part of my life now, just hiding, waiting, and I’m OK with that. You have given me the time to appreciate my life and I promise that I will live it to the full.

Whatever you throw at me, I’m ready….Love Nikki x

Author: nikkijsmith

Wife, mum, daughter,sister, through Breast Cancer Treatment. This is me trying to make sense of this mad world of cancer whilst making the most of every day....I hope it helps 😊

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